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The Kinderhooker is Running for Mayor of Kinderhook

Posted on Thu,Jan 27, 2022Tue,Feb 1, 2022 by Trixie Starr

The Kinderhooker: Thank you Trixie, for visiting our mayoral campaign HQ. We in Kinderhook have long enjoyed our relationship with you and the rest of the people of Hudson and as a result will likely hold off on invading, and conquering, you any time soon.

Trixie’s List: Are you running for Mayor of Kinderhook? Why?

The Kinderhooker: Of course! It is time for a candidate who understands bagels business, who is not a career politician like my “rivals” who currently serve on the village board but can bring a fresh perspective – one that is informed by the actual people living in Kinderhook and not based on being in the pockets of Big Tourism. Yes We Can Make Kinderhook OK Again.

(Also, I actually have real-world management experience and people skills.)

Trixie’s List: No, seriously, are you really running for Mayor?

The Kinderhooker: Thank you for this hard hitting question.

*Yes.

Our current mayor, Dale, ran unopposed with 236 votes. (When I hear that name I imagine he’s a professional Nascar driver. How did he find the time to run the village, when all the super fast driving requires so much focus?) With 236 votes being the gold standard, this is a very doable and winnable campaign – if people come out and vote.

*Please note: this is a write-in campaign. You have to write-in “The Kinderhooker” not plural, not anything else – The Kinderhooker.

Trixie’s List: What are some of the biggest issues facing Kinderhook?

The Kinderhooker: The three main issues I see are around transparency, small business and town security.

  1. We need more transparency into what is happening with the village government. Take, for example, what happened with the recent vote for marijuana businesses in the village. Most people left that village board meeting hearing my “rivals” for mayor express their support to allow dispensaries…and then in the official books it says we did NOT sign on to allow these businesses in our village. How shady is that? They essentially kicked the can down the road. We need a government that allows people’s voices to be heard and counted, and politicians who say what they mean and follow through.
  2. Listen. I’m not a career politician. I’m an outsider. I’m a business-person. I know budgets. I know how to attract people to a place. I know how the mute button on Zoom works. I know Gretchen Witherspoon. Wait where was I? Right – we need to reinvigorate Kinderhook by supporting more small businesses, throwing more fun events and making it the new place to be (sorry Hudson, you had your day).
  3. Security: we need to draw a line in the sand snow and keep those Chathamites out of our village! They are always infringing upon our borders. You know what? Maybe, instead of a line in the snow, we build a wall to keep them out – a fresh idea I just came up with myself.

Trixie’s List: What are your plans for Kinderhook?

The Kinderhooker: Jokes about the wall aside, (am I joking?) the main platform I’m running on is having a leader who really cares about you (yes, you) and your opinion.

I know Trixie is going to yell at me, “because an efficient politician does what needs to be done and f*ck the opinions.” But we haven’t had a time in recent history where everyone in the village got to have their voice heard. We need a post-pandemic plan for the village that is based on where we are now, not just opinions from entrenched politicians.

Part of the problem is, we locals don’t really think the government is listening to us so why try and participate in it? A recent example: Heel Motors is a proposed used car lot to be placed in the village square. Cool, right? Well a record number of people turned out to a board meeting to say “not cool” but were immediately silenced. The board was like “maybe sometime down the road we might listen to public comments, IDK you all are scary!” Uhm…bro we’re right here on the line. We were typing into the comment section saying what we think. The village board (which includes one of my “rivals”) actively ignored us.

So anything I do to facilitate public discourse will be a step up, which is nice. But my big plan is to organize events where we get to gather in fun ways and help determine the future of post-pandemic Kinderhook.

Trixie’s List: Are you still going to have an anonymous meme account?

The Kinderhooker: I will do you one better – my entire mayoral run will be run through the anonymous meme account. I will remain anonymous all four years…and still be more in touch with constituents and more available to them than my political “rivals” ever would.

Trixie’s List: Potential constituent questions on the campaign trail: I love your memes. I live in Kinderhook, but the Valatie part of Kinderhook. I can’t wait to vote for you.

The Kinderhooker: Great! You can’t though! Only people in the village (not the town) of Kinderhook can write me in as mayor. Don’t forget – it’s a write in campaign! And you have to be precise! You have to write-in “The Kinderhooker” not plural, not anything else – The Kinderhooker.

Also, you can’t do it since you’re in Valatie but GOOD NEWS! You are now the Lead Volunteer Organizer of the Valatie Advocacy for Getting Friends You Know in the Village of Kinderhook to Vote for The Kinderhooker. That’s your official title, welcome to the team.

(Want an official title on the Kinderhooker for Mayor team? DM me!)

Trixie’s List: Why isn’t there a stop sign on my corner?

The Kinderhooker: We don’t need this sort of outdated thinking in Kinderhook. Instead of trying to Stop everything, we should be saying Go! My “rivals,” an entrenched long-time politician on the village board and the guy that ACTUALLY pulled a gun on the Black Lives Matter protest in town, love to say “Stop!” (or in the latter’s case “Stop Mayor of Hudson Kamal Johnson I have a gun!” Yeah – THAT GUY is now running). And you know what happens? We never get anything done. A vote for The Kinderhooker is a vote for getting a Go sign on your corner!”

Trixie’s List: My basement floods when it rains – what are you going to do about it?

The Kinderhooker: Assuming this isn’t some sort of sexy talk and you’re talking about your very old house, I will come to your house and plug the holes with my fingers, that’s what. Because I am there for my constituents in the way that those other politicians simply never will be.

Trixie’s List: Can you bring back Cosmic Donuts?

The Kinderhooker: I will Build Cosmic Donuts Back Better.

Trixie’s List: You have a great life and hilarious meme account – aren’t you happy? Why let local politics ruin it?

The Kinderhooker: So optimistic of you that you think I have a great and happy life. I am community-minded. I care so f*cking much about Kinderhook. I know that if given the chance, we can grow and thrive as a village, whether we decide to take over Chatham or not. So it’s not about me and my maybe happy life – I’m offering my time up for the greater good.

Trixie’s List: Do you realize that you can’t just meme about local problems, but you might have to actually solve them? Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?

The Kinderhooker: Without revealing too much about myself, I have run multiple successful businesses throughout my career. I know how to balance a budget. I know how to work with diverse communities. I actually do have the training one would want in a mayor. I am a person of the people, who can explain issues in the time it takes to read an IG post. And again: I have never pulled a gun on another elected official like one of my “rivals”.

On one hand, it’s insane to vote for a meme account for mayor. And yet, here I am in communication with you, asking you to reach out and be in dialogue with me. Have the other two people running done anything like that? Do you even know their names? Have they stated what they stand for like I have here? No? Okay! All of a sudden the meme account that genuinely wants to hear from you is looking pretty…pretty…pretty good.

Trixie’s List: Is there anything inappropriate in your past that you would like to admit to now?

The Kinderhooker: Yes. I once ran a meme account about Kinderhook.

Also, I still do.

Trixie’s List: What’s your favorite bagel place?

The Kinderhooker: Nice try, Trixie. You’re not getting me with one of those NYC mayoral “how do you eat a slice of pizza” gotcha questions. All bagel places are great. I support every damn one of our local businesses.

The Kinderhooker is a WRITE-IN CAMPAIGN.
You must physically write-in “THE KINDERHOOKER” on the ballot.

Village elections are scheduled for Tuesday, March 15, 2022,
at the Village Hall from 12:00 Noon until 9:00 PM

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EVENTS

April

May 2022

June
SU
MO
TU
WE
TH
FR
SA
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Events for 1st May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

H. David Stein: “Off the Wall Flowers”

510 Warren Street
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
3:00 pm - 4:30 pm

ALEXI KENNEY

Hudson Hall
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Clarkston

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 2nd May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Mens Yoga

Roots Holistic Wellness
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

QUIZ NIGHT AT BAR BENE!

Bar Bene
Events for 3rd May
No Events
Events for 4th May
7:00 pm - 11:00 pm

Half Moon Karaoke

Half Moon
Events for 5th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Clarkston

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 6th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
3:00 pm - 4:00 pm

Close Readings in a Virtual Space: Kimberly Alidio on Mei-mei Berssenbrugge

6:30 pm - 10:00 pm

Steel Magnolias – Dinner and a Show

7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Clarkston

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 7th May
8:00 am - 6:00 pm

The Workshop Experience Weekend

9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Hudson Farmers’ Market 2022

Hudson Farmers' Market
10:00 am - 11:30 am

Hudson Senior Center Presents Nature Walks with Nature Sarah

Greenport Conservation Area
10:00 am - 5:00 pm

American Kennel Club Scent Trials at the Museum

FASNY Museum of Firefighting
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
11:00 am - 12:00 pm

Ecology Series: Native Plants Walk with Glenda Berman

12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
12:00 pm - 2:00 pm

Drag Brunch at The Maker Restaurant – Noon

The Maker
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
1:00 pm - 5:00 pm

Steel Magnolias – Brunch and a Show

1:00 pm - 3:00 pm

Genealogy Workshop

The Historic Robert Jenkins House
2:00 pm - 3:00 pm

3rd Annual Hudson Mad Hatters’ Parade

Hudson Area Library
2:00 pm - 4:00 pm

Drag Brunch at The Maker Restaurant – 2pm

The Maker
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm

Exhibit Opening: The History of the Albany-Hudson Electric Trail at Hudson Area Library

Hudson Area Library
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
6:30 pm - 10:00 pm

Steel Magnolias – Dinner and a Show

7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Clarkston

Bridge Street Theater
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
Events for 8th May
10:00 am - 5:00 pm

American Kennel Club Scent Trials at the Museum

FASNY Museum of Firefighting
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
1:00 pm - 5:00 pm

Steel Magnolias – Brunch and a Show

3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
6:30 pm - 10:00 pm

Steel Magnolias – Dinner and a Show

7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Clarkston

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 9th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Mens Yoga

Roots Holistic Wellness
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

QUIZ NIGHT AT BAR BENE!

Bar Bene
Events for 10th May
No Events
Events for 11th May
No Events
Events for 12th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
8:00 pm - 10:30 pm

Dust Bowl Faeries + Frenchy & the Punk, Thurs May 12, Colony Woodstock

Events for 13th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 5:00 pm

D’Arcy Simpson Art Works Presents: Seeing Through the Gray by Mary Breneman

D'Arcy Simpson Artworks
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
Events for 14th May
9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Hudson Farmers’ Market 2022

Hudson Farmers' Market
10:30 am - 1:00 pm

The Oakdale Rewilding Project – Part 2

Oakdale Lake
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 1:45 pm

Explore & More Interactive Tour for Families

ART OMI
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
1:00 pm - 2:00 pm

Bans Off Our Bodies Rally

Planned Parenthood, Hudson
1:00 pm - 4:00 pm

RECESS x Marine Penvern Atelier

Marine Penvern Atelier
2:00 pm - 4:00 pm

Let’s Talk About the Waterfront

Henry Hudson Riverfront Park
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
5:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Recent Work by Joseph Rapp

Nicole Vidor Real Estate
5:00 pm - 8:00 pm

2econd Saturday Hudson Gallery Crawl

The City of Hudson
5:00 pm - 7:30 pm

Writers Residency Reading

6:00 pm - 8:00 pm

The Proprietors Social

Hudson Hall
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm

A Bintel Brief

Bridge Street Theater
8:30 pm - 10:30 pm

Athens, NY: Second Saturday Film Series

Athens Riverfront Park
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
Events for 15th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
2:00 pm - 3:30 pm

A Bintel Brief – Sunday

Bridge Street Theater
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
Events for 16th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Mens Yoga

Roots Holistic Wellness
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

QUIZ NIGHT AT BAR BENE!

Bar Bene
Events for 17th May
10:00 am - 11:30 pm

Hudson Senior Center Presents Nature Walks with Nature Sarah

Greenport Conservation Area
Events for 18th May
7:00 pm - 11:00 pm

Half Moon Karaoke

Half Moon
Events for 19th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
Events for 20th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
5:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Greenport Pumper – Hot Dogs

6:00 pm - 7:30 pm

Author Talk on Slavery and Resistance in Dutch New York

Hudson Area Library
6:00 pm - 8:00 pm

An Evening of Poetry: Stacy Szymaszek, Kimberly Alidio, Miriam Atkin

Time and Space Ltd.
Events for 21st May
9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Hudson Farmers’ Market 2022

Hudson Farmers' Market
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
3:00 pm - 3:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 3pm

Hudson Hall
5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 5pm

Hudson Hall
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
Events for 22nd May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
12:00 pm - 2:00 pm

Alexis deBoschnek Book Signing at Talbott & Arding

Talbott & Arding
1:00 pm - 3:00 pm

Hudson Home Hosts Book Signing with Julianna Margulies

Hudson Home
3:00 pm - 8:00 pm

Walter Gurbo: Ancient Future. Recent Relief Paintings & Sculpture

Lightforms
3:00 pm - 3:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 3pm

Hudson Hall
5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 5pm

Hudson Hall
Events for 23rd May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Mens Yoga

Roots Holistic Wellness
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

QUIZ NIGHT AT BAR BENE!

Bar Bene
Events for 24th May
No Events
Events for 25th May
No Events
Events for 26th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
6:00 pm - 7:30 pm

Trolleys, Trails and Tales: Interpreting the Empire State Trail’s Albany-Hudson Electric Trail

Hudson Area Library
8:00 pm - 10:00 pm

Hellbent: A Journey From Hudson to Hades

Poured Candle Bar
Events for 27th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
8:00 pm - 10:00 pm

Ancram Opera House presents SUNWATCHER

Events for 28th May
9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Hudson Farmers’ Market 2022

Hudson Farmers' Market
10:30 am - 1:00 pm

The Oakdale Rewilding Project – Part 2

Oakdale Lake
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
3:00 pm - 3:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 3pm

Hudson Hall
5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 5pm

Hudson Hall
8:00 pm - 10:00 pm

Ancram Opera House presents SUNWATCHER

29
30
31
1
2
3
4
Events for 29th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
12:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Doris Simon: “Mountain Panoramas”

510 Warren Street
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm

Ancram Opera House presents SUNWATCHER – Sunday

3:00 pm - 3:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 3pm

Hudson Hall
5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 5pm

Hudson Hall
Events for 30th May
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
6:00 pm - 7:00 pm

Mens Yoga

Roots Holistic Wellness
7:30 pm - 9:00 pm

QUIZ NIGHT AT BAR BENE!

Bar Bene
Events for 31st May
No Events
Events for 1st June
5:00 pm - 6:00 pm

PRIDE: Out of this World

7:00 pm - 11:00 pm

Half Moon Karaoke

Half Moon
Events for 2nd June
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
7:30 pm

Fourteen Funerals – Evenings

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 3rd June
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
6:00 pm - 8:00 pm

FOPS Community Meeting

Chamber of Commerce
7:30 pm

Fourteen Funerals – Evenings

Bridge Street Theater
Events for 4th June
9:00 am - 1:00 pm

Hudson Farmers’ Market 2022

Hudson Farmers' Market
11:00 am - 5:00 pm

Malia’s Garden: Artist Allison Green

Susan Eley Fine Art Gallery
11:00 am - 1:00 pm

Ecology Series: Seasonal Landscape Walk with Artist Brece Honeycutt

ART OMI
3:00 pm - 6:00 pm

Poke The Bear

Hudson Brewing Co
5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 5pm

Hudson Hall
7:00 pm - 7:30 pm

NEARLY STATIONARY – 7pm

Hudson Hall
7:00 pm - 10:00 pm

Trixie’s Drag Extravaganza Starring Merrie Cherry

Hudson Brewing Co
7:30 pm

Fourteen Funerals – Evenings

Bridge Street Theater

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